The art of procrastination

• I think I am a professional procrastinator.
• If procrastination were a major, I would have my ph.d.
• I am so excited! Only one more week until I'm sitting in an orphanage in Mexico, holding some sweet, sweet kiddos! I think my heart may explode!
• But first, 2 more finals to take! (and study for! AH!)
• More updating after finals :)

And here it is...

Christmas card photo 2009!

Creator of Love

This morning I was having breakfast with some ladies before Sunday School began; one of them mentioned a friend, who was not a believer, had just adopted a young girl from China. The conversation was about the ‘good thing’ she was doing by adopting this girl. It was about her taking in a new daughter. It was about love. My mind started racing and immediately went to the Cross.. where beautiful, selfless love was poured out.
I couldn't help but think of my motives for doing "good things". Here is this woman who doesn't know Love, but still chooses to pay a GINORMOUS amount of money and take in an orphaned child to love. And I'm left wondering this. How can people separate the Love that I know and the love that this woman knows? I am loved by the CREATOR of love. I am continuously shown love by the one who invented it. I know love. True love. Can people look at the way that I love and the way this woman loves, and tell a difference? I pray that people can look at the love I show and tell that it’s different, that it’s real. May there be undeniable evidence of the Creator of LOVE in my life. Lord, teach me to love better...

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Friday and Saturday I got to spend some much needed time with my sister. We spent a fun afternoon at Biedenharn Gardens, Kiroli Park, and just hanging out in town!

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I have successfully completed my Maternity rotation for clinicals (and to much surprise, I REALLY loved it!) Now I am working on my Pediatric rotation at St. Francis Medical Center. One of my favorite parts of this rotation is play time! I love taking this sick kiddos to the playroom and seeing their imaginations come alive! Who ever knew that school could be so fun!?

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One more thing... quite possibly the thing I am most excited about right now.. Exactly 4 weeks until I’m hanging out in an orphanage in Mexico, holding a sweet, smiling kid! Ah, I just cant wait!!

My heart is different.
i could blame it on a lot of different things, but i think the reality is that God is calling me to do something and I can't even pretend to be the same person.

My life has been changed. By Him. Who makes all things whole.
Thank you, Jesus, for not abandoning me in this desperate, broken state!

Here's what I've learned: I never want to get so comfortable in salvation that I forget what its like to be hopeless.. to be desperate.. to be LOST. I've seen time and time again that religion never saved anyone.. it never healed anyone.. it never satisfied anyone.
I remain certain that our God is faithful. And that the Gospel is true.
May my life reflect that! I want to love unreasonably,.. foolishly... recklessly... unto the cross. Because I have been shown love. True love. Real love that rescues.
There's just something about the grace of Yahweh that paralyzes me. It makes me stop dead in my tracks, too terrified to move in the presence of His majesty.

Last week we had fall break. I spent some time preparing for a disciple now coming up this weekend. The theme comes from 2 Corinthians 5:17: "Therefore if any man is in Christ, he is a new creature..." I've read this verse time and time again, but WOW! Talk about being ruined!! If the old is really gone, NEW THINGS ARE HERE!!! What does that look like practically in my life?

Here's what I'm thinking: What if we (those of us who have been 'made new') were a community that was honest and raw instead of plastic and fake? What if our church wasn't a country club for the lukewarm but a group of people who passionately pursued Truth and the lost around us, knowing that discomfort and suffering were part of deal that we signed up for? What if we allowed ourselves to be used in a way that the community where we are RIGHT NOW would actually look different because the people that were apart of our community took the great commission and the Word of God seriously!? WOW!!!
Looks like true beauty to me.

The things of this earth are growing strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.

Beautiful Bride

Flyleaf is coming out with a new cd in November but they came out with this single yesterday. The lyrics really captured my heart.. especially the first chorus. What a beautiful picture of the body of Christ!! It truly is "incredible"! Enjoy!

Beautified diversity
Functioning as one body
Every part encouraged by the other
No one independent of another
You're irreplaceable, indispensable
You're incredible
You're incredible

Beautiful bride
Body of Christ
One flesh abiding
Strong and unifying
Fighting ends in forgiveness
Unite and fight all division
Beautiful bride

Strengthen your arms now
Train your fingers for battle
Urgency's here now
Train your fingers for battle
Fighting this violence
With your feet wrapped in peace
Sad tears and silence
Now screams of joy
Victory

Beautiful bride
Body of Christ
One flesh abiding
Strong and unifying
Fighting ends in forgiveness
Unite and fight all division
Beautiful bride

Beautiful bride
Body of Christ
One flesh abiding
Strong and unifying

We're not gonna fall and forget
How far You went to pick us up
If one part's hurt the whole body's sick
If one part mourns we all mourn with Him
Rejoice, we'll sing with you
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Beautiful bride
Body of Christ
One flesh abiding
Strong and unifying
Fighting ends in forgiveness
Unite and fight all division
Beautiful bride

Beautiful bride
Body of Christ
One flesh abiding
Strong and unifying
Fighting ends in forgiveness
Unite and fight all division
Beautiful bride

Beautiful bride
Body of Christ
One flesh abiding
Strong and unifying
Fighting ends in forgiveness
Unite and fight all division
Beautiful bride

The workers are few

My friend, Beau, shared this video with me a few weeks ago and my heart has not stopped stirring since I first viewed it. So many questions keep coming up:
-WHY is 1/3 of the world's population considered unreached?
-WHY do people claim the name of Jesus, but their lives don't reflect that?
-WHY do we throw people out on the mission field and forget to pray for them?
-WHY are the harvest bells ringing but no one is listening?

Rescue those being led away to death; hold back those staggering toward slaughter.
Proverbs 24:11

I'm struggling to finish reading a book. Something I've never really had to deal with before. I know that HE is working in my life. Francis Chan's "Forgotten God" has completely rocked my world lately. He said this: "And like our Savior, who poured out His life and blood so we have reason to rejoice, we were made to lay down our lives and give until it hurts. We are most alive when we are loving and actively giving of ourselves because we were made to do these things" This has resonated as truth over and over again in my life lately. I know that it is only when I am pouring out and giving of myself that I am truly full of the Father's unconditional love for me.

Victory! Victory!

I had to post this video for my friend Will to see! These kids fell in love with him! He was so encouraging to them: each time they would score a goal, he would get them all together in a group and they would all shout "VICTORY! VICTORY!", then they would "pound, pound, pound, pound" before running off!!

Here's something I read on one of the blogs that I follow: "And God spoke so plainly. He did not apologize for my heartache, even better, He shared it."

I do not pretend to understand the love of God. Its too deep and unfathomable. I don't understand why God would allow people, let alone children, to live as they do. As you lay everything in your life on the altar before God, an amazing thing happens...
You realize that no one can take anything away from you. It wasn't yours to begin with.
No one can take advantage of your trust. Your trust is in the Lord not in man.
Your life is not your own, your belongings are not your own, and your grief is not your own. I say to you today, we can rejoice because we have been deemed worthy to suffer as Christ has suffered!

To be counted worthy, to suffer in His name - what a blessing that He allows a glimpse into what He endured for all!

Let us continue pushing forward for the cause of Christ. May we not forget in the darkness what God has shown us in the light.

So on a different note: I'm not completely excited that school has started back, but I'm enjoying relaxing time at my new apartment before the studying of nursing school sets back in too deep! This semester's rotations: OB and Peds! Pretty exciting/interesting stuff, might I add!! Actual clinicals start in two weeks and I can't wait! Until then, I'm soaking up as much friend time as possible!

I've missed sweet Mallory this summer!

This weekend makes my first trip home since the start of the semester. I've missed my family more than usual. (with the exception of my sister, who is now in Monroe with me!!!) The week before coming to Monroe, our dog had puppies, but she didn't make it all the way through the delivery. Needless to say, I spent my last few days at home feeding 2 newborn pups by bottle every 2 hours! Whew! But I'm excited about playing with them again this weekend!


Right now I'm enjoying some of needtobreathe's latest music. Check out their new album:

Singing, Smiles, and Praises!

I was excited to record some videos of my experiences this summer while in West Africa. It was my hope and intention to post these while I was still gone, but our internet was WAY slow and wasn't able to upload them! Enjoy some of my adventure, laughter, encouragement, and experiences!

Listen to this song that we taught the kids and see if you can pick up the tune:

(notice the girls on the left singing, and the boys on the right.. we always had contests to see who could be the loudest!)

Hallelu, Hallelu, Hallelu, Hallelujah, Praise ye the Lord!
Hallelu, Hallelu, Hallelu, Hallelujah, Praise ye the Lord!
Praise ye the Lord, Hallelujah! Praise ye the Lord, Hallelujah!
Praise ye the Lord, Hallelujah! Praise ye the Lord!

or in Moore (as they're singing!):

Hallelu, Hallelu, Hallelu, Hallelujah, Wa Wennam!
Hallelu, Hallelu, Hallelu, Hallelujah, Wa Wennam!
Wa Wennam, Hallelujah! Wa Wennam, Hallelujah!
Wa Wennam, Hallelujah! Wa Wennam!

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This is my precious friend, Jamila, whom you've heard me talk much about! I'm excited about sharing this video with you! It's one I made to post for my family to see while I was still in Burkina, but unfortunately, they weren't able to view it until I arrived home. I hope her smile, dimples, and sweet personality bless you as much as they do me!

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Here's another one of Jamila and 2 of her friends. While taking a break from painting the church one day, they decided to entertain me (they always know how to make me smile)! I like this one because you can hear them singing one of the songs we taught them called "Panga Wennam" or "Powerful God"! I just love these girls!

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This one is from mine and Rochelle's first experience at the water well! It makes me laugh every time I watch it! I just THOUGHT this one was hard work... until I tried the 'hand-pump' well!! GOSH!! Those women just amaze me! I was tired after just filling up my water bottle!

I think this is all my poor computer can handle for now, but stay tuned for more fun African videos!!

the process of processing

This weekend makes 3 weeks since my return to the States. I am still trying to process what this summer has held. My thoughts are not completely together, please excuse the scattered-ness of this. Here is my best attempt to explain my life as of now:

This is almost a dream to me. I feel like there is no way this can be real life. Maybe I spent a few weeks in the National Geographic magazine. Maybe these pictures belong on a World Hunger commercial. Then God says, "NOPE. This is me. This is real." Oh, but I am a human, and ever so slow to learn. Some days I just marvel at His patience with me.

I have often wondered since re-entering the US why I feel such great culture shock. How can I feel such a disconnect with the place I was born, raised, and for 21 years called home? I have blamed it on many things. American extravagance. The grocery store that almost sends me into panic attack mode due to the sheer quantity and variety of foods. People building million dollar homes. A lack of understanding and a lack of thanksgiving on the part of all of us. The ease with which we receive medical care. The amount of STUFF that just clutters our lives. I look back at these faces and cannot even begin to explain all of the feelings that come rushing back to me. I'm still trying to figure out all that God wants me to take from this, and what the future holds now.

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As I lay in bed in disbelief near the end of my beautifully exhausting summer, I marvel with God at the "impossible" things that happen in my life. And I realized... when have you ever read a story of God's great movement that made a lot of sense? That didn't seem a little over the top, a little impossible? Not often. Radical, extraordinary love just doesn't make sense in a fallen world. That doesn't mean it can't happen. But it is the very nature of God. Moses parted the Red Sea, and I bet people thought, "No way this is gunna happen!" Noah spent 120 years building an ark and I bet people thought he was just flat out crazy. When Joshua went to Jericho, God told him to march around the city once for six days and seven times on the seventh day with seven priests blowing tumpets made of rams horns. I bet Joshua didn't think that made much sense. I bet Abraham thought it was insane when God asked him to kill the son of whom He had promised would come nations. Jesus told His disciples to pass out five loaves of bread and 2 fish to over 5,000 people and I bet they looked at Him like He was crazy! Later, Jesus told Peter to walk to Him on the water through a storm and I know that Peter was afraid.

We read these stories and think that they are awesome examples of God's amazing power and love, and yet sometimes we don't really believe that they could still be possible. We think that maybe Moses, Abraham, Joshua, Noah or the disciples had something that we don't. Doubtful. God is the SAME yesterday, today, always. This means that all these impossible things could just as easily happen for US too!

Radical, different, extraordinary... It still exists!

So for those of you who read and heard about my experiences and say, "No way," that's ok. Because I lived it. But here is the thing - I want big things from God. We want big things from God and then think its strange when He asks us to build an ark, or feed 5,000 or march around a building for seven days with seven priest blowing trumpets made of the horns of a ram! I am asking for big things from God. Big things like a roof to place over these homeless children to shade them from 100 degree heat and protect them when rainy season arrives. BIGGER things like 15.2 million citizens of Burkina Faso to come into a personal relationship with our Lord! So really, I am not so surprised at the craziness. Every morning as I wake up with some impossible ask in front of me, I know that God will meet it with impossible strength and love. I serve the God who used Moses, a murderer, to part the Red Sea. A God who let Peter, who would deny Him, walk on water. A God who looks at me, in all my fallen, broken weakness, and says YOU can do the impossible.

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It is this huge alone-ness.

But HE is filling it. Slowly, but carefully, with people who understand, people who care, people who don't mind just doing some laundry or grocery shopping, or sitting and listening as I try to work through this until the wee hours of the morning. Just when I feel stuck, He sends encouragement and perseverance. Just when I think my heart will explode with longing, I am reminded of a little chocolate colored kid on the other side of the world who misses me and loves me just as much as I do her.
He is providing, He is working, He is in control.

To say that I am clinging to His promises would be an understatement.

"And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever- the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father and you are in me, and I am in you. Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him."... "All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives, Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:16...25

May compassion continue to bleed through the cracks of brokenness..